The Dairy of an Assistant Boyfriend: TRAVAILS OF THE FRIEND ZONE (Episode 3)

My name is ADEBISI OLADELE.... Welcome to the friend zone!
Well I am not surprised, Christy kuku ti so pe lati ojo ti ohun ti mo e, Ijeta ni first time ti o soro olopolo (Christy has said it, that ever since she has known you, two days ago was the first time you ever said anything sensible!). Nkem's words hit me like a NATO nuclear missile. I yab people too, but I have never questioned their intelligence, I only talk about their physical appearance. I always respect everybody's intellect and sensibility, so that angle is a no go area for me all through my yabbing expeditions. Funny but true.
Nkem is just a female version of me. She sef can yab and insult people... Chaaaai! Nkem is a young and beautiful full blooded yoruba girl (how can a yoruba girl bear Nkem, remember how unreal the names can be... Lol... I no even owe anybody any explanation sef... Sebi its sha my story... *rolls eyes*). She too is a pro when it comes to rubbishing anybody, most especially in that her egba saturated accent. I can't blame her, she has lived all of her life within the egba province and here we all are studying to become undergraduates in the only Federal University in that province. It is safe to say Nkem was at home, she is an INDIGENE.
Nkem and Christy were very good friends, they were super close in short, they were 5 & 6! They have been my victims countless number of times. Nkem and I have engaged in trash talking (for pako pikins: na yabbing that one mean) duels before, of course I came out tops most times. For this game... Oga na master. So it is safe to say Nkem doesn't like me too but I am sure she doesn't hate me as much as Christy does. In short it was a no love lost triangle.
Chaaaaiii! Yeeeeeee! Olorun oooo! It was the chants of the people around that brought me back to the current situation. There was an electrical phase-off issue in our area that time. We were at Nkem's house, sorry hostel to charge our phones. Nkem's house is a one storeyed german wooden decked building. Their house had the highest population of students, they were close to 20 that were staying there. The chants and noises were just a pointer to one thing - Nkem has just scored a huge point, in short it was a jab directly in the face! Peeps looked forward to my response. Chill... Chill, Dele go finish am Nao... They expected the don of talk to take Nkem by the jugular and tear her into pieces. Something they never got to see, their hopes were dashed. I dashed them.
Nkem's words silenced me for that night. I started thinking... E gbami, temi ti bami (chaiii! I am doomed). So, what does Christy take me for... A fool? Or a jester that can never be serious? Chhaaaaii! I don die. What's wrong with me? This is unlike me. Words hardly affect me most especially negative words because I produce them, I catch fun saying them. I wave them off whenever they were hurled at me because they were supposed to be items of fun. The fact that Christy actually said those stuffs about me really got to me. Why? Seriously I can't explaaaiiiiinnn (in wizkid's ojuelegba tune).
Did she actually tell you that? I asked Nkem, after a few seconds that seemed like four hours of silence. Nkem said yes, when you came to her house two nights ago was the first time she ever heard anything sensible come out of that your mouth! Nkem repeated the killer blow again. This made guys erupt into their shouts and bants again. It was indeed clear, Nkem was the winner for today. As she was basking in the euphoria of her supposed victory, I was lost in thought.
With a mild rage I said within myself... I swear Christy ti ku lowo mi (Christy is as good as dead). She better start running away from me!
To whom it may concern: this is mostly a pure work of fiction... You think i m writing bout lagbaja n tamedo... OYO is your case.. Or worse worse... Call police!
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Twitter: @churchBOI_SZ